Reflection # 7: The Sisterhood That Found Me …

Can I tell you something?
This wise man that I know once said three little words that hit hard. 
He said, “Life shows up”…

Can I share with you how I almost gave up on people, love and myself?

Can I tell you a bit of my story?

It was simple but sad, bottom line… I was stuck in a miserable dark, place that made no sense. I tried to make myself believe something that was illogical, unrealistic and wrong yet I kept replaying the words, over and over in my head. Some of you know the words. These words gave a temporary comfort, false hope, and an artificial reality… We all know these words. Whether or not we have whispered them, listened to them, run from them or just watched those words from the sidelines as an observer (sometimes shaking your head like “Wow I cannot believe this”). We know these words… For me these words sounded like:

“That’s my best friend”
“She’s like my sister”
“You’re being insecure”
“She thinks you’re great for me”

NAIVETY 
I believed those words, the sweet whispers exchanged on our pillows that were fed to me, nourishing my desires and sometimes my desperation. It was just us I told myself. I convinced myself that he just wanted “us”.

The truth I erased, the emotions I suppressed, and THE FACES OF DISAPPOINTMENT FROM MY FRIENDS I AVOIDED…all for the image, my fantasy of perfection. This image of perfection I orchestrated-I would not allow anyone take away from me. Yes I was my mama’s IRON FIST IN A LACE GLOVE, BUT FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS. I was the mastermind behind my own demise but my friends couldn’t tell me “nothing”. They were just outsiders, who could not comprehend the depth of our love and passion.

Passion? I felt it was so deep; it was so alive they just did not understand. Really??? In retrospect they did understand. IT WAS ME WHO REALLY MISUNDERSTOOD BUT LIFE SHOWED UP…. Life showed up and hurt badly. In my naivety I did not realize that people; MY HE AND THE SHES, MY LOVER AND HIS OTHERS, THE SO-CALLED SISTERLY “HI CHLO-WEEEE’S, LOVE YOUR HAIR!” could be so mean, so deceptive, so cold and full of the business. My sisters??? Wow… Yet! In my naivety I had no idea of how loving, kind, selfless and beautiful MY TRUE SISTERS could be… 



ISOLATION
I want you to know that isolation is like a scentless, colorless lethal gas that subtly creeps up on you and overtakes your life before you even know what’s going on… 
I did not realize how the faces I avoided became the same hands that reached out to catch me.

My beautiful sisters…

TRUST 
Let me put it to you like this:
LEMONS ARE SOUR, EVEN BITTER BUT THEY MAKE THE BEST LEMONADE…
The insecurity of a girl and the betrayal of a boy was real. This was no puppy love story because the drama, the pain was some adult stuff-nothing to play with. It led me to an obscure place that thankfully had a light at the end of the tunnel. Among other things that light was a sisterhood with women who did not judge me, they loved me unconditionally and I could do nothing about it…

THE JOURNEY TO FIND TRUE SISTERHOOD CAN BE A TWISTED, CONFUSING, CONTORTED ROAD TO TRAVEL BUT IT IS WORTH IT. EMPOWERMENT COMES WITH EACH STEP TAKEN…

Coming from a very small town where life was as sweet as the honey suckle I would pluck on my walk home from school…it was hard to fathom a world outside of that. I did not understand that there were truly mean people (“Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!”) I just could not wrap my head around the fact that there could be an individual who wanted to hurt me, take what I had, see me suffer and have not a care.

Life showed up to tell me that this is part of my world too! I was no exception. I kept walking with my head high but sometimes we walk in the wrong direction… 

THE TAKERS, THE BETRAYAL, THE RIDE-OR-DIE DIVAS
I had gotten so down on myself.
As the story goes…the act that I thought to be harmless… totally fooled by the ridiculousness…now I’m feeling hurt and ridiculous….I didn’t deserve this…I don’t want to hear about others having gone through the same thing… my naivety now being used as a catalyst to a scandal???… Why me? I was so nice to him, to her. And so on….. I was angry. I was disappointed. I was ashamed until that night…
That one night those familiar faces I avoided stormed into the doors of my beautiful nightmare-so lovely and tragic and rescued me. THANK GOODNESS FOR INTERVENTION, DON’T WAIT FOR THE SHOW!

Even as I fought for an unworthy love, they took me and gave of themselves using the strength I could not find within myself. That night I will remember forever. 
That night, SISTERHOOD FOUND ME, those Queens saved me.

They saw the best in me that I thought I had lost…

LOVE NOTE TO YOU
The most important lessons from my sisters:
A woman has her own, earns her own and respects herself enough to leave alone, she does not compete and she does not envy. The best in me is a Queen… This Queen supports and embraces even her darkest moments. She forgives, she never forgets for she is wise. She recognizes her mistakes and corrects them with ease but with expediency. This Queen is not easily persuaded by the selling of dreams. She holds her own crystal ball and has dreams of her own. She is true to herself. SHE IS HER OWN TICKET. She is her own woman. What about the Queen in you…

I trust them. I love them. I adore them. I believe in them. I thank my sisters…



~Chloe~

(Photo via Regal Realness)

Leave a Reply