Reflection # 9: Black Tears of a Beauty Queen

Why do I find myself watching him watch them? It seems like his attention begins to loosen its grip at the sight of a big butt in a sundress and the jaw dropping hourglass shape. We as women sometimes witness these wandering eyes become wandering thoughts and actions. We take it all in and it eats away at our confidence. I had to make a choice between my sanity and the illusion of security in my relationships.

So why do we always find ourselves looking to a man to validate our physical beauty? What makes us think that this ‘cosign’ is worth the hours, the energy, money and sometimes dangerous nips and tucks? Don’t get me wrong, I love to throw on a stunning Ruby Woo MAC lip and mascara every now and then but it is the mindset behind these actions that we must revisit and improve. Who are we putting on for?

Rejection of any sort can be one of the most heartbreaking experiences ever. You feel like you lost a piece of yourself. Somehow you find yourself in competition with a woman who could never compare to you, the beautiful you. You are a gem, uniquely and wonderfully created. No one can rob you of what you have been blessed with. You are in competition with no one, real beauty is simply being the best you.

After my relationship came to an end, I found myself questioning my beauty, ultimately questioning my identity in this world as a woman.

I thought butt shots, lip injections, hair extensions, lash extensions working out with waist wraps…all these things would fix me…right? I found myself looking at images of others-trying to measure up more than I was looking in the mirror at me, the beautiful me that I could not see. In that mirror, I found out that I was broken, but not physically. I needed to nurture my soul and enhance my confidence. A MAKEOVER WAS NEEDED BUT NO MAKE-UP WAS NECESSARY, NOT ONE DROP… There was a dire need to nurture my crying soul and enhance my confidence.

The most important thing that I would like you take from this discourse is that there is no greater beauty in life, nothing more attractive and admirable then a woman who walks confidently in her own skin. DO NOT LET THE AMBIGUITY OF EMOTIONS AND DEVOTION FROM ANOTHER BECOME THE DOUBT YOU FIND SURFACING IN YOURSELF.

This advice comes from a place where I have been. Consider this: Back from a photo-shoot, feeling fine, my smile gleaming from ear to ear, “Hey check out my proofs!“  to a “You need to work on your face…”  My confidence (my power) slid down the drain in an instant (internal background music resounding in my head like the failure jingle when you lose a game at Candy Crush). WITHIN A MOMENT I HAD RELINQUISHED MY POWER TO HIM…

That comment stayed with me, in fact it haunted me but eventually became a resolve within me. This resolve reminded me of who to stay away from in life.  Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, “NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR IN LIFE WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.” No man or woman has the right to make you feel less than who you were put in this world to be. Exit gracefully…No matter how you part, just leave… being the recipient of another’s negativity and suppression was never meant to be part of your destiny.

Today we are celebrating ourselves. Our loveliness. Our divinity…  Even if you are hurting or bruised or feeling unpretty, even if don’t have the strength to join us, we are celebrating you too. The journey might be your own but know that there is a circle of souls who care, who believe in themselves and you… I PRAY THAT YOU FEEL EMPOWERED BY THE COURAGE AND BEAUTY IN THE SMILES OF THE THOSE WHO WERE MOVED BY LOVE TO SHOW UP NAKED TODAY. I call this juncture a SAFE HARBOR for a reason, WE LIFT EACH OTHER…

~Chloe~

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