Cowherd’s Corner: Choices

A lot of us make decisions for ourselves and ourselves alone. It is easy to go through life and make decisions “just for me, me, me”, but what happens when you make a conscience decision to share your life with another person? The idea is that you start to take into consideration your actions because now, they directly affect another person.

There is this modern notion that if there is no ring on it, then, you are single. As true as that technically is, when dating someone there is still an air of expectancy to conduct yourself in a manner that reflects that you are seriously dating and respecting the individual you are dating. The choices you make do not have to make your life boring and less thrilling, but should show a genuine appreciation for the person who has opted to change their lifestyle to both accommodate and share with you.

Now, changing your lifestyle should not be too drastic because you should have gotten into the relationship seamlessly (you should be laughing here), and the removal of gray area has established exclusivity between the two of you. No matter how much you say, “I will not change because of him or her”, you inevitably will because if you seriously want that person in your life at that capacity, you will do what you need to do to keep them.

We are humans. We are meant to change and adapt. Every day, we make choices, and they slowly shape the person we are and will be in the future. Growth in a relationship does not come from being a perfect boyfriend/girlfriend it comes from making bad choices together, but being perfect at coming together and hashing those things out.

Now, by bad choices, I am not talking about cheating, domestic violence (verbal or physical), or anything else that can cause a drastic reaction from your significant other; more on the lines of hanging out with someone he or she does not like (maybe there is a past history there or just bad vibes), doing a little too much at a club or party, or just putting yourself in situations that may allow someone to think you are single.

I will close by touching on this; the choices that really doom a relationship are the ones that are made out of spite, jealousy, or gossip. It is a lot easier said than done, but doing something that disrespects or shames your significant other for whatever reason you think you can come up with is never the answer. Karma is real, and that bitch has the bite of a great white. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let your nogood, single girlfriends influence your choices ladies, because, let’s face it, misery enjoys company. If she has been dumped by all of her ex’s, she is the common denominator. Gents, that goes for you, too. We can be savage and lead our man’s down that dark path. Let that man handle his, unless you know for sure that as a friend, you need to step in.

Until next time, keep your finances and emotions in order. 

– Cowherd

 

Reflection # 9: Black Tears of a Beauty Queen

Why do I find myself watching him watch them? It seems like his attention begins to loosen its grip at the sight of a big butt in a sundress and the jaw dropping hourglass shape. We as women sometimes witness these wandering eyes become wandering thoughts and actions. We take it all in and it eats away at our confidence. I had to make a choice between my sanity and the illusion of security in my relationships.

So why do we always find ourselves looking to a man to validate our physical beauty? What makes us think that this ‘cosign’ is worth the hours, the energy, money and sometimes dangerous nips and tucks? Don’t get me wrong, I love to throw on a stunning Ruby Woo MAC lip and mascara every now and then but it is the mindset behind these actions that we must revisit and improve. Who are we putting on for?

Rejection of any sort can be one of the most heartbreaking experiences ever. You feel like you lost a piece of yourself. Somehow you find yourself in competition with a woman who could never compare to you, the beautiful you. You are a gem, uniquely and wonderfully created. No one can rob you of what you have been blessed with. You are in competition with no one, real beauty is simply being the best you.

After my relationship came to an end, I found myself questioning my beauty, ultimately questioning my identity in this world as a woman.

I thought butt shots, lip injections, hair extensions, lash extensions working out with waist wraps…all these things would fix me…right? I found myself looking at images of others-trying to measure up more than I was looking in the mirror at me, the beautiful me that I could not see. In that mirror, I found out that I was broken, but not physically. I needed to nurture my soul and enhance my confidence. A MAKEOVER WAS NEEDED BUT NO MAKE-UP WAS NECESSARY, NOT ONE DROP… There was a dire need to nurture my crying soul and enhance my confidence.

The most important thing that I would like you take from this discourse is that there is no greater beauty in life, nothing more attractive and admirable then a woman who walks confidently in her own skin. DO NOT LET THE AMBIGUITY OF EMOTIONS AND DEVOTION FROM ANOTHER BECOME THE DOUBT YOU FIND SURFACING IN YOURSELF.

This advice comes from a place where I have been. Consider this: Back from a photo-shoot, feeling fine, my smile gleaming from ear to ear, “Hey check out my proofs!“  to a “You need to work on your face…”  My confidence (my power) slid down the drain in an instant (internal background music resounding in my head like the failure jingle when you lose a game at Candy Crush). WITHIN A MOMENT I HAD RELINQUISHED MY POWER TO HIM…

That comment stayed with me, in fact it haunted me but eventually became a resolve within me. This resolve reminded me of who to stay away from in life.  Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, “NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR IN LIFE WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.” No man or woman has the right to make you feel less than who you were put in this world to be. Exit gracefully…No matter how you part, just leave… being the recipient of another’s negativity and suppression was never meant to be part of your destiny.

Today we are celebrating ourselves. Our loveliness. Our divinity…  Even if you are hurting or bruised or feeling unpretty, even if don’t have the strength to join us, we are celebrating you too. The journey might be your own but know that there is a circle of souls who care, who believe in themselves and you… I PRAY THAT YOU FEEL EMPOWERED BY THE COURAGE AND BEAUTY IN THE SMILES OF THE THOSE WHO WERE MOVED BY LOVE TO SHOW UP NAKED TODAY. I call this juncture a SAFE HARBOR for a reason, WE LIFT EACH OTHER…

~Chloe~

Reflection # 8: My Sin-Sation

 

Hard. Rock. Steady…. Rock. 

The temptation taunted me. I’m paralyzed with passion…for you.

The idea of you. Can’t you see I’m trying to keep you? These sheets hide the truths of what is real but my fantasy of you, of us, of what we can be in this moment are all I can see…

Dang… Love and sex. I’m not the first to say it but I will say it again, SEX AND LOVE ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!

In this moment, we are one…

A moment? Unfortunately we fail to see that this lovely prose too often has more literal connotations than we want to believe. Sex without the bond of mutual love, mutual desire, mutual understanding is exactly what the words say, JUST FOR THE MOMENT… But we’re in love! I know he loves me! But were “we” on the same page at that point in time? Do “we” want the same things out of this relationship right here and right now? That’s a hard conversation to have with yourself. Dang… that little girl inside that puts hands over ears and says, “Wawawahhh!!! I don’t wanna hear it!” (because that’s what children do). But! In my heart of hearts, I didn’t really need to ask myself those deep questions, the answers were right in front of me and SEX WAS NOT THE CURE…

Can we just hold onto this moment?

With every bead of sweat my body is making unconscious promises to you. Every jolting movement I swear a lifetime with you, my loyalty, my confidence in what we can be. Just read me. Feel me. Know that I am yours… The writer in me wants to continue philosophically and poetically but I can’t right now. As my big brother would say, REAL TALK… TOO MUCH OF THE LOVE STORY IS IN OUR HEADS. We close our eyes to the reality of the loving, healthy relationship that is missing (that we deserve!) and we find justification and validation in his arms-in bed-just for the moment… You are worth more than a moment and if the truth be told, so is he…

That Girl Done Watched One Lifetime Movie Too Many

I imagine that’s what the elders would say… Philosophically speaking; SOBRIETY AFTER THE LOVIN’ AINT NO SWEET LOVE HANGOVER… Poetically speaking; Beyond this bed, the purple haze clears, reality clocks in, my fantasy now stripped-dignity wounded, falling from the strongest high I am left grounded in the truth… IF EXPERIENCE IS A GOOD TEACHER, THEN PAIN IS THE MASTER SENSEI OF LIFE! This pseudo love has given me false hope. My hope for him to be the man that I fantasized about in those God forsaken sheets. God??? True love waits, lust and desperation does not. I believe that sex is misunderstood like the Kama Sutra itself. Oh yes! PILLOW TAWKIN! Did somebody say Ka-ma Su-traaa!!! The consummate feel-good ancient sex manual with all the copulation and positions and juicy stuff! Yep! But! In reality the ancient Kama Sutra is a guide to the nature of love, family life, virtuous and gracious living (Wikipedia). I believe that sex and lovemaking works the same way. Know that sex can be deceptive but in reality it cannot hold or control love, it never did…

Honesty…

Even when I was not strong enough to resist the temptation, my ex was. He had established such a strong sense of respect for me after our relationship that he could not participate in my fantasy. I was always told that a man holds himself accountable and can control his actions. Even with lust pulling at his zipper, a grown man will take a stand. He fights for her morals and virtue, the virtue he had fallen in love with…

I HAD A FIGHTER…
…And I respect that. Real men have feelings, emotions and a conscience. When boys become men, boyish behavior gets old. Men take responsibility for their actions MEN SAY “NO” TOO… Period.

Your temple…

As women we sometimes over estimate, overcompensate, and exaggerate. There are so many times I have heard young, beautiful women say, “I can have sex with no strings attached. I’m just as much a dude in the head as he is…” Hmmm…You are always attached to “you” and “you” have to eventually look in that mirror. Have you looked lately?
Why must you tell these lies?

Down to the anatomy of sex we are incapable of sharing a senseless passion. Think about the act of intercourse, we are receivers. Like it or not this has been our metaphor for life. He brings forth food, she makes a meal. He builds a house, she makes it a home. Men deposit his seed, we produce children. I know there are so many exceptions to this rule (I know, I know Miss “Ne-Yo” Independent. I know the lyrics too). We are women, we are unique creatures built on the foundation of fire and desire. We are emotional. Know that the ultimate interior deterioration comes with letting an unearned love into your temple. What are you getting in return but a moment of a fantasy?

Let the high go…

It is like being stuck on an Ole Love Song… The words entrall you, “woo, woo, woo” you-mainly tell you exactly what you want to hear. We all know that there is a love song to justify any mindset, persuasion and behavior. “I DON’T SEE NOTHIN WRONG WITH A LITTLE BUMP-N-GRIND” Sorry Mr. Kelly, but I don’t see it that way. Sometimes ITS ALL WRONG… With every thrust of your one time lover you fall deeper into the fantasy leaving your morals, your heart and body empty… No woman wants to be a receptacle of deposits that are of little value and no returns. Sex is euphoric, it feels good! Sex however is not a seatbelt, it cannot be a clutch because it can’t hold anyone or anything. Put on some brakes, LET GO OF THE HIGH so you won’t crash and burn…

My Heart to Yours…

Protect Your Loving Heart, and Nurture Your Soul, that can be orgasmic. This conversation is not over…

~Chloe~

Reflection # 7: The Sisterhood That Found Me …

Can I tell you something?
This wise man that I know once said three little words that hit hard. 
He said, “Life shows up”…

Can I share with you how I almost gave up on people, love and myself?

Can I tell you a bit of my story?

It was simple but sad, bottom line… I was stuck in a miserable dark, place that made no sense. I tried to make myself believe something that was illogical, unrealistic and wrong yet I kept replaying the words, over and over in my head. Some of you know the words. These words gave a temporary comfort, false hope, and an artificial reality… We all know these words. Whether or not we have whispered them, listened to them, run from them or just watched those words from the sidelines as an observer (sometimes shaking your head like “Wow I cannot believe this”). We know these words… For me these words sounded like:

“That’s my best friend”
“She’s like my sister”
“You’re being insecure”
“She thinks you’re great for me”

NAIVETY 
I believed those words, the sweet whispers exchanged on our pillows that were fed to me, nourishing my desires and sometimes my desperation. It was just us I told myself. I convinced myself that he just wanted “us”.

The truth I erased, the emotions I suppressed, and THE FACES OF DISAPPOINTMENT FROM MY FRIENDS I AVOIDED…all for the image, my fantasy of perfection. This image of perfection I orchestrated-I would not allow anyone take away from me. Yes I was my mama’s IRON FIST IN A LACE GLOVE, BUT FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS. I was the mastermind behind my own demise but my friends couldn’t tell me “nothing”. They were just outsiders, who could not comprehend the depth of our love and passion.

Passion? I felt it was so deep; it was so alive they just did not understand. Really??? In retrospect they did understand. IT WAS ME WHO REALLY MISUNDERSTOOD BUT LIFE SHOWED UP…. Life showed up and hurt badly. In my naivety I did not realize that people; MY HE AND THE SHES, MY LOVER AND HIS OTHERS, THE SO-CALLED SISTERLY “HI CHLO-WEEEE’S, LOVE YOUR HAIR!” could be so mean, so deceptive, so cold and full of the business. My sisters??? Wow… Yet! In my naivety I had no idea of how loving, kind, selfless and beautiful MY TRUE SISTERS could be… 



ISOLATION
I want you to know that isolation is like a scentless, colorless lethal gas that subtly creeps up on you and overtakes your life before you even know what’s going on… 
I did not realize how the faces I avoided became the same hands that reached out to catch me.

My beautiful sisters…

TRUST 
Let me put it to you like this:
LEMONS ARE SOUR, EVEN BITTER BUT THEY MAKE THE BEST LEMONADE…
The insecurity of a girl and the betrayal of a boy was real. This was no puppy love story because the drama, the pain was some adult stuff-nothing to play with. It led me to an obscure place that thankfully had a light at the end of the tunnel. Among other things that light was a sisterhood with women who did not judge me, they loved me unconditionally and I could do nothing about it…

THE JOURNEY TO FIND TRUE SISTERHOOD CAN BE A TWISTED, CONFUSING, CONTORTED ROAD TO TRAVEL BUT IT IS WORTH IT. EMPOWERMENT COMES WITH EACH STEP TAKEN…

Coming from a very small town where life was as sweet as the honey suckle I would pluck on my walk home from school…it was hard to fathom a world outside of that. I did not understand that there were truly mean people (“Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!”) I just could not wrap my head around the fact that there could be an individual who wanted to hurt me, take what I had, see me suffer and have not a care.

Life showed up to tell me that this is part of my world too! I was no exception. I kept walking with my head high but sometimes we walk in the wrong direction… 

THE TAKERS, THE BETRAYAL, THE RIDE-OR-DIE DIVAS
I had gotten so down on myself.
As the story goes…the act that I thought to be harmless… totally fooled by the ridiculousness…now I’m feeling hurt and ridiculous….I didn’t deserve this…I don’t want to hear about others having gone through the same thing… my naivety now being used as a catalyst to a scandal???… Why me? I was so nice to him, to her. And so on….. I was angry. I was disappointed. I was ashamed until that night…
That one night those familiar faces I avoided stormed into the doors of my beautiful nightmare-so lovely and tragic and rescued me. THANK GOODNESS FOR INTERVENTION, DON’T WAIT FOR THE SHOW!

Even as I fought for an unworthy love, they took me and gave of themselves using the strength I could not find within myself. That night I will remember forever. 
That night, SISTERHOOD FOUND ME, those Queens saved me.

They saw the best in me that I thought I had lost…

LOVE NOTE TO YOU
The most important lessons from my sisters:
A woman has her own, earns her own and respects herself enough to leave alone, she does not compete and she does not envy. The best in me is a Queen… This Queen supports and embraces even her darkest moments. She forgives, she never forgets for she is wise. She recognizes her mistakes and corrects them with ease but with expediency. This Queen is not easily persuaded by the selling of dreams. She holds her own crystal ball and has dreams of her own. She is true to herself. SHE IS HER OWN TICKET. She is her own woman. What about the Queen in you…

I trust them. I love them. I adore them. I believe in them. I thank my sisters…



~Chloe~

(Photo via Regal Realness)

Reflection # 6: The Abandoned Home

I neglected myself for him…

I literally left everything I knew for love. Let me be the first to say, “OPERATING IN DESPERATION MODE IS NOT LOVE!” The painting stopped. The work ethic tarnished. Eating habits destroyed. The meditation went dormant. My mom used to call me her “Iron Fist in a Lace Glove”, unfortunately all that was left of this beautiful lace glove was something empty, unraveling and hanging limp. I know I’m talking to someone out there…Hellooooooo??? All of the things that defined Chloé somehow went missing. I was having an identity CRISIS!

So what was left of me? Is this really what love is?

Alice Walker wrote the classic, “The Temple of My Familiar”, (this awesome body of work is the sequel to The Color Purple). Back then Chloe’s life’s theme could’ve been called, “The Temple of My Unfamiliar.” This body, my temple, my house, my sacred place of peace had become barren. I POURED MYSELF INTO A RELATIONSHIP THAT WOULD NEVER COMPLETE ME, IN FACT IT WAS DEPLETING ME… It left me empty, hurting and even ashamed because deep down inside I knew better (Destiny’s Child sang, “My Mama Taught Me Better Than That!” that’s right, keep singing the rest of the song no matter how cliché, BE A SURVIVOR!)

So here is my big sister/mommy moment of the day:

Do not ever rob yourself of the beauty and bliss that was created in you. You are indeed unique, one of a kind. Like a freshly cut diamond, there is no other quite like you. Let me remind you that there is nothing ordinary about you, you are a miracle, one of the wonders of the world. Think about that… Allow no situation or person to diminish that. How? Start by just taking a moment to look in the mirror and say, “What’s Up (insert your name)?” Your mental health, physical well-being and emotional balance are your priority. The uneasiness experienced when you feel yourself slipping away is the warning sign to get back to what you know…get back into your home…that place that was created for you to nurture. Please hear me when I say…NEVER LET YOURSELF GO.

Some of my fondest childhood memories were by the ocean. I found myself in the ocean. Her movement paralleled my freedom. No clear direction but the rhythm never stopped. I sailed, scuba dived and swam back into my paradise. I NEVER DROWNED.

My eyes tear as I write this because I know how it feels to be lost within yourself not knowing how to return to your “safe house.” It is not the end. I promise you this. Pick up that paintbrush, that pen, that mic, that recipe book, that sewing machine…all of the tools that set you free. These natural skill sets usher you away from your pain so that you can think clearly again.

Take this moment and own it….

~Chloé~

(Photo via Donnie Nunley)

Reflection # 5: My Euphoric Temporary Insanity

Some people say falling in love is a temporary insanity. It has an ethereal quality to it that makes us feel dazed.

I lost touch with reality…and it felt so good.

We all know that ethereal feeling, almost like floating on a cloud, like a feather, you’re weightless. Everything feels right and sounds right. The world seems so perfect! Talking on the phone all night. How lovely. Literally hanging on to every word he said-if he said it, it was the gospel. His smile is so cute and his muscles flexin’ in his tees and all these girls sweating him and his family really loves you and blah, blah, blah yeah we love that stuff in the midst don’t we?

“He” was the subject and main idea of most of my paragraphs. And those love songs, oh the love songs; “Boy You Got Me under a Spell, Drunk In Love etc., etc., etc.) Dang those songs those movies were written just for me…and my FANTASY.

What is it that puts us on this lovely high? Why do we literally lose touch with the reality that stares us in the eyes all in the name of love? These questions I pose but the answer is within you…

Reality for me… For starters, I wish somebody (anybody!!!) had told me to check out that “woozy ethereal feeling.” I can’t say for sure that I would have listened, but it is certainly worth mentioning to you that we need to pull the word “ETHER” out of “ETHREAL.” Ether is a pleasant-smelling, colorless liquid used as an anesthetic that is highly flammable. An interesting parallel to love…

IF THE TRUTH BE TOLD, WE WANT TO STAY ON THAT NATURAL HIGH. 
Why wouldn’t we? Falling in love feels wonderful but in the center of it all we tend to lose track of reality then things fall apart and it is not all “his” fault. There was a bitter sweetness of reality that I willingly avoided. Coming down to Earth meant that I would have to see that we were not perfect…we were not perfect for each other and simply could not be.

I was happy in my high; I didn’t want to see without my rose tinted glasses so I created my own euphoric world around him that made no sense, not even to me…

Sobriety for me… Establishing the difference between falling in love (which is temporary) and being in love (which is lasting).

Sobriety for me… Becoming very conscious of my needs and wants and facing the truth about them not being.

The high just wasn’t worth it…

~Chloe~

Reflection # 4: I Prayed For You More Than I Prayed For Myself…

I’m hoping you find yourself in this post, I hope it takes you back to or away from a place you’ll never go again…I’m happy that I had to dig deep to reflect upon my experiences of Codependency, what I mean is that this issue is more a part of my past but vivid enough in my memory to say never again… As females, it is in our genetic makeup to be nurturers but when I think about it, isn’t the concept of nurturing meant for babies and children? I was guilty, oh so guilty of taking responsibility for somebody else’s actions when in reality (REALITY IS FIERCE) I had nothing to do with it. In reality nobody actually asked me to make HIS BURDEN, my burden in the first place. I CHOSE IT. I CHOSE IT. I CHOSE IT. Know that we choose it. It wasn’t MY STORY yet I made it my story, my everything; hook, line and sinker…I remember the feeling…. His adversaries became my adversaries. His disappointments literally would spoil my day. Why??? Compassion is one thing; know that codependency is quite the other.

My heart is heavy as I reflect on the times I yearned for the love that I thoughtlessly gave…going into the pages of our past can be hard but cleansing to the soul when we see how far we have come. It’s a journey but it’s going to be alright, I speak from experience.

If he could just get everything that his heart desired then it would be my turn…Right? Then he would be that man for me that I so desired…Right?

I just have to wait…be that ride or die…be there for him…put my goals to the side for his…make him my number one as I became his number 2…3…4…wait…this doesn’t feel right.

Codependency for me was not seeing me because all I saw was him…

After years of my life I had to look in the mirror to see Chloé. Alone…

I looked like an abandoned princess. Size 0 with a bright smile to hide the pain of feeling like I lost it all. Dressed to a tee for the world to see when I really didn’t want to get out of bed to see the light of day. Focusing all of my intelligence, gifts and talents on how to make him happy. Putting my heart into everything I did down to making the cutest cupcakes. Handing him the keys to my car. (Bye Felecia!) Being a nurturer, being a fixer, taking his burdens with a smile while he became prince charming in someone else’s arms.

I’ve learned that sometimes words don’t teach like experiences do…but words can usher you to new experiences if you just listen…

~Chloé~

 

Reflection # 3: My Survival Kit Had Everything But You

It seems as if this little girl has always been on the run…doing things and going places. My mother made a fieldtrip out of virtually everything. 

At 13-years-old I left my small town every weekend to attend the first African-American finishing school, Ophelia DeVore, in the Empire State Building. My mom says that as soon as the car left the Lincoln Tunnel my eyes lit up and were glued to the Manhattan skyline. The energy was magnetic and it always seemed to call my name. 

I found safety in what most people would find intimidating…exploring places I have never seen thus expanding my horizons.  There was an allure in the idea of me against the world…I never felt incomplete, empty or lonely. Although I had not had my first kiss, I was traveling across the country by myself and in those moments…I was free and in control. 

Falling in love can be a delicious temporary insanity, you can lose track of who you are and the path that you were on. Instead of listening to the voices of wisdom inside you, you are hypnotized by the melody of the Pied Piper. If you are not listening carefully, the tune changes to that of despair but then consciousness returns. You doubt yourself, you don’t feel pretty, you wonder what’s wrong with you, but that little voice that says, “I will survive,” gets louder to the point that you have no choice but to let it lead you to your survival kit.  Mine was in the form of travel…you might find yours in opening up a business or reconnecting with your family…embrace the challenge. 

I return to a familiar place of peace and bliss when I explore. I am thankful for that old school song that my mother used to sing, “gotta get away, gotta do it now, gotta walk into the sun, ha, ha.” (Check out those lyrics, they are powerful) 

Beyond the idea of travel, my survival kit meant separating myself from anything or anyone that hurt me thus my theme; your survival kit has everything it needs, starting with you. 

~Chloe~

Reflection # 2: Me-Him = Undefined

Upon reflection (a phrase you will hear often in this blog), I can laugh out loud because maybe I should have punched that “bougie wine connoisseur” who introduced us right in the face. The attraction was there, he was friendly, smart and most of all made me feel at home in a new environment. I did not realize the void inside that relentlessly demanded companionship to make me feel complete. I never took the time to get to know myself. Who was Chloé? Perhaps Chloé could have navigated this environment alone without giving into the loneliness that comes when sheltered girls leave their small town world. 

Therefore, a subtle dependency occurs but you could have never convinced me of that. I was stubborn and determined to establish a relationship that was quickly erasing me. I started to make grown up decisions ‘with my grown self’ that Miss Chloé surely was not ready for. 

I began to withdraw from my social life, center my activities around his schedule, and deny myself everything I deserved as a young college student. I became “wifed” without the honor of having a husband or the commitment of a boyfriend. 

Part of my healing comes with taking responsibility of my actions. 

I wanted this. We often do challenge our better judgment for the hope and sometimes pipedreams of perfection. 

In relationships two halves do not a make a whole. Two complete people make one whole union. 

Me-He=Me

~Chloé~

Finding Me Before He: Reflection # 1

Reflection #1: The flaw I saw but didn’t have the courage to erase

Wait…did I just seriously let him talk me into thinking titles were unjustifiable?

I remember giving myself a title of honor. I was missing my two front teeth when I boldly stood in front of my preschool class and announced that my fellow classmates could no longer call me Chloé, I was now to be addressed as ‘Miss Chloé.’ It’s amazing that at 4-years old, I understood the honor due to me than as a college student who was in the process of compromising her standards in the name of love. 

Titles. What are titles? 

The Oxford dictionary defines ‘titles’ as a name that describes someone’s position. 

Whether spoken or unspoken we all have a title-position and place in the eyes of another. Be it mother, lover, jump-off or friend, the position is clear. Therefore, the real question is that of being real. Who am I and what do I really mean to you? 

Sometimes listening to your heart can speak much louder than his words. The problem lies in that we quiet the voice of truth in our hearts in exchange for desires that we think spell H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S. Deep down inside it erodes our confidence and diminishes our greatness.

Drunk in love or sober truths? 

The truth behind titles being unjustified just might equate to the lack of straight up commitment. 

Take a step back. Make sure that the script you are reading is your own. I admit, I accepted the ridiculousness of being untitled until I reached within myself and found Miss Chloé.  

~Chloé~